I feel like I am about to explode.

Bah.

Today I am happy.

So this morning I had a nightmare. And its been upsetting me all day. I can't even write about it it. Just that something bad happened to me an I felt upset because I wouldn't blame them if they really did it to me but it also hurts and bleh.

Miss you

My bed feels extra lonely tonight. My apartment as if it is filled with ghosts. I'm alone and that fills me with the urge to cry. I know I see you in less than 24 hours but that isn't soon enough. I am lonely and insecure and I wish I was in your arms right now.

Love and Butterflies

I have a tattoo on my left wrist that says love. Today below I drew a small butterfly.

Love is to remind me that no matter what I am loved. That I need to love myself, that I don't need to cut to feel whole.

The butterfly is because despite what I wrote above I still feel the need to cut. Because no matter how much people tell me that I am better than that, stronger than that, I honestly don't believe them. I still want to find a sharp and watch myself bleed. The idea behind the butterfly project is that if I cut myself I kill the butterfly. The butterfly is my hope.

I don't want to kill the butterfly. But I desperately want to hurt myself.

I don't want to let anybody down.

Lets see how long my butterfly lives.

Its my birthday I'm old.

I really should make an effort to update this more often. So much has changed though and I don't even know where to begin.