Miss you

My bed feels extra lonely tonight. My apartment as if it is filled with ghosts. I'm alone and that fills me with the urge to cry. I know I see you in less than 24 hours but that isn't soon enough. I am lonely and insecure and I wish I was in your arms right now.

Love and Butterflies

I have a tattoo on my left wrist that says love. Today below I drew a small butterfly.

Love is to remind me that no matter what I am loved. That I need to love myself, that I don't need to cut to feel whole.

The butterfly is because despite what I wrote above I still feel the need to cut. Because no matter how much people tell me that I am better than that, stronger than that, I honestly don't believe them. I still want to find a sharp and watch myself bleed. The idea behind the butterfly project is that if I cut myself I kill the butterfly. The butterfly is my hope.

I don't want to kill the butterfly. But I desperately want to hurt myself.

I don't want to let anybody down.

Lets see how long my butterfly lives.

Its my birthday I'm old.

I really should make an effort to update this more often. So much has changed though and I don't even know where to begin.

Fuck.

This is my first update from my new phone. Expect more updates soon

Yours

Here is some terribly written smut. I am participating in 750words so hopefully it will get better, as I intend to post most of it here.